I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
