So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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