is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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