I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
