I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize