I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
