She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
