I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
