Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
