i think i have two assholes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
