apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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