dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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