highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
