update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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