tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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