Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
