she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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