First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
