I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
