he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
