yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
