i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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