Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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