Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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