if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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