You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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