The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
