and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
