South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
