I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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