Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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