I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
