My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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