the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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