My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
