I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
