Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
