We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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