Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
