he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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