im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
