thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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