Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
