Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't deserve a penis
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
