I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
