This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize