I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
