You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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