I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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