I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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