wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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