quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
