walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
