I faked an abortion last night.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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