wat bout pragnant strippers??
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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