Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
