Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
