I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
that's an acceptable place to lick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
