I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
