tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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