Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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