wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
