Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
