he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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