No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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