my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We left the knife in your bed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
