She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
