I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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