Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I did not marry a roomba.
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