i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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