I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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