this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
