im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
