yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
