They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
