you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
