i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
