if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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