you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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