He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
