I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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