If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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