So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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