Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
