She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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