Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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