I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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