My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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