Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can I color on your dick again?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
