i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
