someone threw a dead crab at me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
