Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I love you.
Bad choice
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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