just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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