My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
