last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
