Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
