The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
