Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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