She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize