is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize